Friday, July 07, 2006


Where do I begin? I am thinking a lot this week about why I have been so sad lately. What it means. How it affects me, how it affects my family, how it affects my friends. It is a strange place to be in when you do not know exactly who to be. When you do not trust that the real you will actually be welcomed or accepted or at all desired. I asked sarah this week where the line can be drawn between being honest and between testing the patience of your friends.

Another friend this week, wonderfully oblivious of what is going on, lamented to me about her roommate – how she has been sad for so long and how this person doesn’t know what to do or how to deal with it anymore. She was pretty upset about all of this and seemed at the end of her rope. She doesn’t know what to do with her roommate anymore.

Where is the line? I don’t know.

So I feel left with the choice between being a huge burden to the people that I love, and trying their patience, and lying to my friends saying that I am stellar. Which I did to somebody this week. Sorry, friend. I don’t want to drive people away. I don’t want to be an overwhelming burden.

This sounds sort of pathetic. That makes me sad.

Anyway. These are my thoughts. A friend this week said “you want to know who I am? Meet my family.” This has inspired me to say “you want to know who I am? Read my blog.” It has seemed to become a good friend of mine, albeit somewhat unreliable. But I can overlook that.

It has been made painfully aware to me this week that I have a problem giving grace to people. Sorry about that, everybody.

Please don’t put comments on this post.

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