Lately I have been wondering if I am on the wrong track. My desire is to serve God – in a way which is true to both his and my own character. Am I doing that? Have I gone off of the wrong track?
I think of how different I am now than I was 2 years ago. I think of how my passions have changed – my time and how I live my life looks very different now than it once did. Two years ago the church was my life. I gave it everything that I had. Outreach, for the purpose of introducing people to the character of Christ was utmost in my heart, mind, and prayers. I was excited to see others discover this God that I had discovered. I was excited to pursue God in ways which really encouraged creativity (and sometimes some silly off-the-wall-ness). I knocked on doors to understand how best the church could serve its community, and I just really really wanted to love people and to show them the great life and freedom that can be found in Christ.
Things are different now. I am passionate – but the thought of outreach for the pure purpose of introducing people to Christ makes me uncomfortable. I see much value in other religions and other spiritual practices. I have met and prayed with a number of Godly people who do not necessarily know the person of Christ, or at least not Christ as Savior. My passion is to see good done in the world – to fight oppression, to stand for justice. My passion is still to help and encourage others to pursue God in creative and unique ways which fit their unique creation, yet I am now very open that this pursuit and this worship of God can sincerely and powerfully occur outside of the region of Christiantiy.
At the risk of sounding too Oprah-ish I believe that God has grace, and that people can pursue him in so many different ways, including religions, which gives me great peace and excitement. It is great to see people find God in different places.
This is so different. And at times it haunts me. My semi-fundamentalist upbringing screams at me that Christ is the only way – that Christianity is the only way – that personal salvation is of utmost importance and that everything else is secondary. Yet in my pursuit of God in the last little while, this is not where God has taken me. I do believe that I have been sincere in following God to this point. I do believe that there is no other place that I can be right now.
But at times I question whether this journey is merely a reaction to some bad church-ness stuff in the past. Or if I am mistaking my own thoughts about justice and what is right for the Holy Spirit’s leading. How can I tell if I am lead by my own desires, or God’s desires?