Monday, February 27, 2006

So my great aunt thrice removed from my mother's side visited me at my office the other day. She was a welcome break and companion even though she was wrinkly and fuzzy and smelled a bit of moth balls. however, for some reason she did not particularly enjoy posing for the camera. The only features she would allow to be photographed were her eyes and cool dreadlocks.

anyway, i thought you may be interested in knowing a little bit about my great aunt thrice removed's history and life up until february 24, 2006.

Marpheus Mcfee III was born in the beautiful okanoganiopian valley of beautiful Canada in 1863. However, she decided to ditch the beautiful province of beautiful ontario because the tuition at beautiful ontario universities were far too ridiculously high. So, after investing 13 years of her life in high school (yes, it took her 13 years to complete high school. ha, ha) she moved to beautiful manitoba, where tuition is far too ridiculous on the other side of things, and due to that there is often no toilet paper in the washrooms. "Oh, well. I can always use my cat to wipe myself," says Marpheus, who is an eternal optimist, and altogether not understanding what God really gave us cats to do (which, as everybody except for Marpheus knows, is eat mice, look pretty, make people sneeze and be eaten by dogs).

Once she completed her cheap degree at the University of Under-Fundedness in the urban bowels of beautiful winnipeg, Marpheus Mcfee decided to follow her dreams to . . . Norway? No, silly. Europe? No. Asia? No. All of them put together. It was only on the plane to NOrway that Marpheus realized that her true calling was in stopping global conglomerates in selling unsuspecting students cheap garbage at stores such as future shop and Wal-Mart. "Who cares about poor children in Thailand?" complained Marpheus' seat-mate, Gordon Bush. "I refuse to spend more than 29 cents for a pair of jeans. Its my right as an American!" Marphus gives complete credit to the Spirit of God that this gentleman is still alive, as she is amazed that she did not strangle him then and there.

Marphus landed in China, and then realized that her brake was over, so she had to stop typing.


JAnie & DAve said...


Oh Bre!
-Janie, used without permission.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I had no idea that your Aunt was so interesting... She's got some pretty lofty goals and some great dreads.

JAnie & DAve said...


If your aunt wants she can borrow some of my wrinkle cream. Oh I was talking with your aunt the other day and she said she would actualy go Pole dancing with us. Plus, i have heard an ad on the radio for pole dancing (minus the nudity and spectators...), so we can go one time k?
Take it easy,
Thanks again for your help on the weekend. It really helped us to gather our wits together and preceed on with life.
-janie, use with permission!