Monday, October 27, 2008

one more solar revolution

Y’know when there are moments of clarity in your life, moments of passage, significant times of reflection, and all of those deep things?

Well, my most recent one happened at the Feist concert. Which was weird, but not uncommon, at least for me. I’m a bit weird.

I won’t go into details, because I think you’ll all think me wacky. But details aren’t the point anyway.

There was this poignant moment of reflection, of contrast, between who I am and where my life is today and who I was and where my life was 3 years ago. So different. It felt good, really. Lately I seem to be in this season of “WTF, where is my life going? What the hell is going on? All of these things are happening and I don’t know what they mean . . . “ Which is an uncomfortable season, but valuable and exciting and confusing and sometimes fun. Sometimes stressful. But I realized yesterday at the concert that I am so happy with what is going on. I am so happy with the commitment I made years ago to constantly change, to constantly allow myself to be molded by God and by my community, to always strive to a place of discomfort and sometimes pain to really live. To continually discover Christ’s place in and intention for my life.

It’s almost my birthday and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Like, more than usual. And I am just overwhelmingly thankful. For the journey I have been placed on, for the people in my life. For the fact that my life looks so dramatically different than my life looked like 3 years ago. My core and my foundation stays strong, but everything else is negotiable. That is the life I believe Christ has called me to. A place of continual discomfort, which sometimes sucks, but a place of radical living, of continually challenging assumptions, and a continual process of changing and stretching and growing. In super surprising ways.

I am happy. I will be 28. And I used to be 25. And I am very different now. And I will be so different in 3 years.

And I got a rock star new haircut.

Bring it on, year 28. I’m ready.

2 comments:

jodi said...

bre, i think you're amazing!

David said...

I know I said the other day that I didn't feel happier since I became a Christian, and you gently scolded me about the idea that being faithful makes you happier.

This post is the flip side of that - I am fortunate to know someone like you who embraces your "refugee status" as stepping out of your comfort zone and into a life of compassion, even when that means suffering. Especially:

"I am so happy with what is going on. I am so happy with the commitment I made years ago to constantly change, to constantly allow myself to be molded by God and by my community."

Yes, yes and yes. I do think faith can make us happier, but that happiness is not the shallow kind of temporary gladness, but being grateful and content in the uncertainty of love.

Thanks, Bre.