YUC

In the bulletin of Young United Church. I love this.

 If you come troubled, may you find peace; if lonely, may you find friendship; if in doubt, may you find faith; if happy, share your joy with others. We welcome all persons who seek to live in faith, regardless of age, gender, racial or ethnic background, sexual orientation, differently-abled condition, economic or cultural background; and we affirm that they are full participants in the life, work, membership and leadership of this church.

i love this so bad

Seize the day, if you must, but do so gently and never, ever shake it. All days are not alike, and some of them are just not meant for seizing. Some days you wake up with a headache, a dentist's appointment, and a long to-do list. But that's okay. Seize tomorrow instead and today follow the path of least resistance - because deciding not to seize this particular day is also a form of seizing the day, if you follow my drift. Likewise, whoever came up with the bright idea that you should live each day as if it were your last has probably never taken this advice . . . what this cliche fails to address is that the day after your imagined last day quickly arrives and transforms your grand exit into an unmitigated disaster. Now you're chubby, broke, jobless, and have really spooked your cute UPS driver. And you're supposed to live this nightmarish new day as if it's your last. You see where I'm going with this - it gets old very fast. Better advice is to live each year as if it's your last. Pace yourself. Prioritize. Most of all, enjoy the constructive daydreaming it takes to plan your fantasy, because if you don't, you're missing the whole point: Living each day as if it's your last is really about enjoying now. Even if you're not exactly where you want to be yet, there really is a ton of pleasure to be had in stopping to smell the rugosas along the way. Adventure comes with no guarantees or promises. Risk and reward are conjoined twins . . . there are many good reasons not to toss your life up in the air and see how it lands. Just don't let fear be one of them. - Mary South

faith

I will gather myself around my faith, for light does the darkness most fear – Jewel

rrsp's

trying

The only wisdom we can hope to acquire
Is the wisdom of humility:  humility is endless. - T. S. Eliot

hope

And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time. - T.S. Eliot

This quote came to mind while I was at an Anglican church service yesterday morning.

I am not near the end of my exploring, but I did feel a resonance here. It has been a long time since I have been to a church service. Weary and burdened by so many disappointing stories, frustrations at church hierarchy and patriarchy, deep sadness and solidarity with so many of my friends who have been bruised by my Christianity, my heart was having trouble sitting in a pew lately. A sort of spiritual depression, an exploration of self and the divine beyond the church walls brought me to many good and interesting places. Also painful ones. Why are churches such difficult places to be?

And then, why do I crave them so?

I entered this church carefully, alone, somewhat familiar with the people and the walls there. Many things brought me to that pew, including disappointment, hurt, listlessness and a bad complexion. Not much hope; more desperation for something meaningful to grab onto on a sunday morning.

The second we began communal prayer I began to cry like a little baby, which was awkward because right after we were to shake hands and share the peace with everybody. This return to this pew and this church and this specific expression of faith, speaking words of utter dependance on Jesus, grace, and love felt so missed by my soul. I felt so relieved, so like I belonged somewhere again, it all felt so familiar and tangible and hopeful. Also so unexpected.

Back again for the first time. I am not sure what the future holds here or where I will end up. But yesterday was a gift that I deeply grateful for.

landing-place

Loneliness isn't about being by yourself . . . Loneliness is about finding a landing-place, or not, and knowing that, whatever you do, you can go back there.  The opposite of loneliness isn't company, its return,.  A place to return. - Jeanette Winterson, The Stone Gods

getting too cheesy here

And today my greatest desire is to sprout wings,
to have them pop out of my shoulders
familiar, as if they have always been there (have they?)
fly amongst the heavens and the depths
feeling true freedom and love and joy
liberation in every way
physically emotionally spiritually mentally
I long to fly

ode to toronto

my worlds continue to collide in this city
yet i wonder at my homesickness
my desire to run from nostalgia into the arms of the tangibly familiar
this sidewalk this hotel this cafe
an insidious labyrinth of unwelcome memories
surround me mercilessly
dragging me to places long tucked away

uhhuh

Love is a great beautifier. - Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

hell, yeah

Only the impossible is worth the effort. - Jeanette Winterson, The Stone Gods

well

so can we talk about feelings?

my insides feel all jumbled around and all up and down

everything is interacting

i feel happy, very. i also feel very confused and disoriented, like walking in a big haze

and what is my body and my heart saying? and what do i need to change? and where does rest fit into this?

the divine and destiny and meditation

i sort of want to sleep for a year

yesyesyes

True Christianity beguiles, seduces, invites, cajoles, creates spiritual yearning and draws humanity into ever more desirable mystery, healing and grace.  - Richard Rohr

ouch

I keep myself locked in a box when it matters, and broken open when it doesn't matter at all. - Jeanette Winterson, The Stone Gods

true dat

Sometimes, at the moment of waking, I get a sense for a second that I have found a way forward.  Then I stand up, losing all direction, relying on someone else's instruments to tell me where I am - Jeanette Winterson, The Stone Gods

hmmmm

Strange to dream in the right shape and build in the wrong shape, but maybe that is what we do every day, never believing that a dream could tell the truth. - Jeanette Winterson, The Stone Gods

don't read too much into this

I was utterly miserable, and yet fearless as I had never been. - Ursula K. Le Guin, "A Women's Liberation"

gotta remember this . . .

O how we struggle until we realize the struggle is the blessing:  progressing, changing, evoling from a seed into a tree . . . - William Blake

sober thought

If we didn't have death, imagine what life would be like.  You'd postpone living.  Death is the pressure that causes you to invest in the moment.  Death rings the bell on all procrastination and makes today precious.  - John Shelby Spong

love her.

Inside the story told is the story that cannot be told. - Jeanette Winterson, The Stone Gods